As I get up from the floor, I find it is harder to bounce up and my knees hurt and I think… I am old. How did I get here it was as if I blinked for a moment and I was old.
I think it started last year when I had a physical event that left me feeling like I was not as in control of my health as I had always been. I felt so vulnerable and it started me on this downward spiral that I let my mind go to until I just felt old.
Then I started acting old and as each new physical thing that happened, I said, “Yep,” see, I am old!! Woe is me…
So, I started on this journey asking God to talk to me about trust in this season of my time. He softly spoke to me saying, child, every day matters…. stop fretting and allow me to show you what I have for you during this season.
Isaiah 46:4 says “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
Had I read those verses before!! I am sure I did, but skipped merrily over them as they did not apply to me, I was not in that season of time.
How can we lean into God as we age, trusting that every day matters, and not allow fear to rob us of our joy of each day we are meant to be here on this earth. Yes, I might have to adjust some of my mindset to allow age to happen, but to allow my joy to turn into fear!! NO, I refuse to allow this to happen.
Fearing the unknown for me has always been a challenge, but as I age this fear of the unknown might grow stronger, I need to prepare for that. Getting older and having to learn to deal with a growing list of new restrictions brings a fear of loss of control. Maybe my bodies will not be able to do what it once could; or my memory is less sharp as it once was, or I find I need more help than I used to.
But what I do know is my lilac bush is still going to bloom this spring and bring that sweet smelling fragrance to my kitchen. It is up to me to cut some of those blooms from their branches, bring them inside and allow those sweet blooms to make me smile!!
I am going to walk among the flower beds, laugh at the future because I remember who’s holding it all.
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