Recently I started learning a new dance call the “West Coast Swing.” It is such a challenge as that as a woman I have to truly know my part and hold my own destiny in my steps or I will not be able to dance my part. In the Waltz or some other dances, I can follow the lead and in a way, relax a bit. I can let the man (or lead) control my moves).
Learning this dance reminded me of a conversation I had with another woman that was telling me she was sad because her husband stopped making her happy. In tears she told me this story of how she was miserable and cried a lot and felt incomplete. She did not want to get up in the morning and get dressed or put on make up which was what she loved to do.
I listened to her and actually cried with her as I knew she was in pain. But, then I told her what she might not have wanted to hear. Here is what I said and if you are in this boat, listen up!!!
it is NO ONE’S JOB on this earth to make YOU happy. It is not your child, your spouse, your dog, NO ONE. Being happy is YOUR JOB. Think about it. how can someone else make you happy? Ok, maybe a present can make you happy, but even then, if you are not truly happy, even a present you might cherish has a short season, right?
I am not a preacher or protest to be one, but listen to this one….. it is not even God’s job to MAKE us happy. Read Psalm 37:4 where the Bible states, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” The verse leans toward telling US TO DO THE ACTION first…. we are to delight in the Lord. We are to be the ones doing the work, not the other way around.
To tell myself OR YOU to be happy, you might say, “say what girl?” …..so let me say to seek joy first. Joy and happiness are wonderful feelings to experience, but are very different.
Let me tell you my thoughts on joy. Joy comes when you make peace with who you are, why you are and how you are. As I age, I have had surgeries that I have not liked how i was left, but I am 63 this year, I am going to have a less than bouncy body!!! If I decided to let the surgery lines take away my joy as I not have marks on my body, I am robbing myself. It is not always easy to transition to joy when you have to alter your way of thinking, but it is to me so critical before I can be happy.
I think happiness tends to be externally triggered and is BASED ON OTHER people, things, places, thoughts and events. But that deep joy comes from within ourselves so you have to have joy.
The reason I say you have to have joy to be happy is i feel true happiness, is an inner state of mind. If your mind is at peace and you seek joy, you can achieve happiness.
If you have everything the world can give – money, pleasure, possessions, power – but lack that joy, that peace of mind, you can never be happy.
So how do we get JOY!!! Which leads to our own happiness instead of waiting for someone else to make us happy? Joy is truly knowing that God is in control of all the details of our life. This take confidence that we need to let God lead and be aware that God is leading and LET GO.
SO, I hope this makes sense. If you wait around for someone else or some event to make you happy, you will continue to feel empty. Seek joy and in order to do that, you HAVE to ask God to fill you with joy.
Romans 15:13 says: “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”