Most of your know I live daily with pain. I have FM. Fibromyalgia, a pain that is in the entire body and there is no cure. Lately I have been battling pain in my shoulder, arm, neck that is almost debilitating. Doctors have sent me to PT with no benefit. I have tried everything my friends tell me about…. even recently the “dry needle!!!” There are hours and days I am in more pain than I can deal with.
I am not complaining, I am actually rejoicing. With this disease, I have learned to really appreciate everything, everyday.
Also as most of you know I started my own business last year. I joined my company with my business partner. I was asked to be a Key Note speaker in Vienna, Austria at the 2012 Euro Risk Summit. I was fearful to take this journey…. how could I tote my luggage, handle a long flight, deal with being away from a doctor if I need one? God opened a door for me and I walked through. When God opens a door He walks through that door with you, He does not just push you inside and say, good luck!!!
God knew one of my life long dreams was to travel in Europe one last time before I was too crippled to travel. I wanted to see Italy, the Eiffel Tower, Rome, Venice, Florence and eat spaghetti!!
Here is how God worked. I introduced my business partner to the summit and he was asked to be the lead for one of the risk tracks and speak with me. So off we went to our speaking engagement and … yes, I was able to visit all those places in my dreams. I will never forget the smells of Italian cooking, the sounds of the long train trip to Venice, the feel of the Eiffel Tower to my fingers, the sight of people from all over the world in Rome and the experience of speaking at an International Summit.
If I were to ask you to take one thing away from my experience, I would want you to know that God knows our dreams, even ones we thing we will NEVER get to experience, HE knows. When I stop during my busy day to have an espresso, I go back to my summer when God showed me once again He knows.
Song by Josh Groban
When stars go out each night,
remind us where you are
Let this be our prayer, when shadows fill our day
Help us find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe
A world where pain and sorrow will be ended
And every heart that’s broken will be mended
And we’ll remember we are all God’s children
Reaching out to touch you
Reaching to the sky
We ask that life be kind, and watch us from above
We hope each soul will find another soul to love
Let this be our prayer, just like every child
Who needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe
Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe
Song sent to me by my husband
I am watching a romance bloom with the excitement of new love. Each other learning about each other. The little things do not bother the other and each finds those little things actually cute. Kindness is forefront and consideration is paramount. My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years. The cute way I slept has turned into an annoying snore and I am awaken often with a slight push!! It is blamed on our cat actually. Love in the English dictionary provide pretty much one definition, “a strong affection for a person or thing”. But as we do further research, we also find the Greek language provides us different ways the word “love” is used. Agape love: the Bible speaks to this word as true love, a sacrificial love or the unconditional love of God. (Corinthians 13). Then there is the “Philia” love, the friendship or affection love for a loyal friend or family member. This includes the love of being together. Now, “Storge” love in modern Greek means natural affection. This reminds me of the love you have for your children no matter what they do. “Eros” love which is the passionate love and desire expressed for each other.
I think as there are many definitions for the word love, we can all feel these types of love, all at once, some more than others and even feel several of them for the same person.
As we mature through life, we experience levels of pain, loss, joy, contentment, hate and hurt. All these make a mark on our life. Some make a deeper mark than others. I like to call them the seasons of our life. As we grow in our relationships or as individuals, we react to the life situations all in different ways. As I had to live through miscarriages, losing my sibling, getting sick, building my business, seeing my parents get older and just getting older myself, I had to let go of some dreams and found myself finding other dreams. As I was going through my seasons of my life, my love for my husband took different shapes and directions. Sometimes I did not feel like loving anyone. Sometimes I wanted more love and a simple touch was not enough. There were days I wanted assurance of security. Love takes many forms in our life. Even though we are not in the stages of the initial romantic whirlwind, we still love, we still care, we still need love; it might just look different.
You know, there was one love that never changed. That of God’s love. No matter what season I am in, God’s agape love is unwavering.
I got to thinking about the New Year and how many of us, me included think about “resolutions” for our new year and what we want to start doing or in most cases, do “right!” I thought about the word resolution and thought to myself, mine are all restitutions!!! Is that a bad thing?
So, I looked up the word restitution and found that this word meant “the act of restoring.” At my age, I have a lot to restore and that is a good thing. We all make resolutions every year, whether or not we call them by another name. Psalm 51:12 says “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.” I got to thinking, it is not the resolution we made that will make us successful in keeping our promise, it is the willing heart, the willing spirit. It is also this joy of life and our walk with God. I own my company and yet I cannot be a success alone. I need my family, my business partner and first and foremost, I need God. So, ANY resolution, and restitution I pen down in my journal, I want to make sure it is not just pen on paper, I want it to be prayerfully penned. Whether your walk with God is strong or just a breathe let His arms support your resolutions. I love you all.
While up in the mountains this past Christmas, I sat and watch a young couple throw snowballs at each other. After about 10 snow balls hit the young woman, she decide to protect herself and she started building a wall of snow to hide behind. She piled more and more snow on her wall to protect herself. The young man was trying as hard as he could to hit her, unaware of the wall she was building, he was focused on hitting her with a fresh snowball. She was not even dodging the snow balls anymore, she was more intent on getting her wall up for protection. I thought about how as women, we do this in our own life’s. Men seem to put feeling in a room within a window and close the door and move on. What men do not understand is that once a woman builds that wall of protection, it is only her that can take it down. The more snowballs of hurt that are thrown, the higher or deeper the wall becomes. We build them in silence to those around us. Have you build a wall yourself? Are you hiding behind a wall to feel safe. Do you occasionally take down some of the wall then build it back up again? I think we all build walls of some sort.
HAPPY NEW YEARS!!
What are our masks we wear everyday? Do we have different masks for different moods or people in our life? I know I do. I think it is actually normal to have several masks ,,,, the mask of happiness when we are at work but underneath we are morning the passing of our little cat we love, or the mask of excitement for a friend that has just told you she is in love, but you want love ourself so much you could just cry. Remember the saying, what you see is what you get? I have a favorite saying that explains me perfectly for those out there that want to figure me out…. just when you think you’ve got me figured out the season’s already changing.
Wear shiny sequence everyday and never let anyone take away your shine!!
When I clean my house, I turn on the tunes and dance around cleaning without a plan. If I am in one room, I will clean until something distracts me to another room and off I go into that room with no plan and tackle a space. I like to clean that way and cleaning is not a chore. For years when my dear husband came in and turned the tunes down, or commented on my craziness, it took away some of my shine. I let him do that to me.! I learned that I did not have to stop dancing just because someone told me I had to or put an obstacle in my way. I control my emotions, my reactions and my shine.
If someone is taking away your shine revisit how you are reacting. Make it a point to wear sequence everyday and shine. Even a piece of shine under your high powered suit or your car pool jogging outfit will put you in the mood to dance within.
Yesterday I talked to a beautiful young woman about confidence. Now, this word packs a lot of power for a woman!! The dictionary gives this definition: “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or reliance on one’s circumstance.” So what can gives us this feeling of confidence? When Addy and I talked about this word, it was in response to yesterdays post about qualities of a beautiful woman. She commented that beauty is confidence and she is so true. Confidence comes through in the way we act, the way we speak, the way we walk!
I say to all the women out there…. Confidence…. wear it like a pair of high heels!
As most of you know, I work from home. I have a dedicated room in my house that is full of computers, printers, pens, pencils and …. you get the visual. I can wear whatever de jour I want for the day to work. I love it. But what I do change is what I wear on my feet. If I am just having a normal conversation with a client, I am bare foot and can tuck my leg under my body and relax; if I am on a call with a coworker I can wear a pair of flip flops (I have a lot as there are so many cute ones out there), I can dangle my legs over the chair arm. BUT. If I am on a call with a VIP or a perhaps a call that will be a challenge, I pull out those high heels and put on the confidence. There is something about high heels that puts me in the drivers seat. I have my favorite black heels that I rule in. Addy said to me (and I am taking the liberty to paraphrase) …. confidence is what makes a woman beautiful, it is what people will see through everything else. She is not only beautiful, but smart and definitely “confident.”
While we all might laugh at wearing high heels on a call in stead of bunny slippers to give a woman the power of confidence, but the point here is…. let people see that side of you. The way you see yourself will set the tone for how others will see you.Remember, God made us unique and special.. Addy, you are a beautiful woman inside and out and you have inspired me.
Being a woman is a gift. We are a package that is unique and beautiful. Many of you that know me have known I struggle with weight. But the struggle that I have had to deal with more than the weight has been the way I view myself. I judge myself by the way I thought others would react to me. When I lost weight, I felt like I was beautiful and that I had the world opened in front of me. When I have more weight on me than I want, I also am critical and think others are too of me. Being both thin and heavy, I can tell you that it is what you are inside that makes the difference. People around you will react to what you put out there. I guess I can blog about this as I have experienced it first hand. Remember when I said I have had to revisit the word “believe”? Well, I challenge you to look beyond your weight and believe in you. That is what others will see. As a woman, we are wonderfully made by our Creator. No matter how you think you look, or how you think you should look, stop wasting time my dear friend…… If you used to sing, start singing loud, if you used to do art, get out those paint brushes and paint, if you used to write, fill that pen with ink and write a poem…… You are a gift packaged with a bow and beautiful paper. The first step is to … take that first step. Let me know how you are doing. We can walk this walk together.
I cannot think of a better day than Christmas Day to start my blog called RubyProse. Christmas Day is a day where things seem already magical and new. Is everything in my life magical right now, no, but I like to think that the word I have heard in almost every Christmas movie I have watched “Believe” is true.
I am 56 years young. I have seen the role of a woman change in my journey through life. I have seen the way women have changed, made change happened, and sometimes forced change. The role of the woman in business, even in my business has changed. Today, I own my own business. But what has not changed is the basic fundamental soul of a woman. I “believe” this as I believe God created a woman just perfectly. God said many years ago in Proverbs 31:10: “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” The dictionary describes a ruby as a precious stone that is deep to pale red and somethings shows a hint of purple. When it is cut, it shows off a brilliant light deflecting cast. It is a limited stone found in places like Thailand, Sri Lanka and north central Burma. It is said that when exposed to high temperatures, the ruby will change to a green color but will regain its original color when it cools off.
I started off talking about the word believe and what I “believe in” are women. No matter where we are in our walk, whether we believe in God, or believe in miracles, or believe women should be more like men, we are all women. We were created to be different than a man and for that, I want to celebrate. God made man, but he created a woman.
I hope in my journal of blogging in RubyProse that my journey of happiness, joy, loss, sorrow and growth (still growing) that I can be of some comfort to you in some way. As the word “believe: is one word that has so much meaning of me, I hope if only one word or thought I can share will help you through your journey.